My Weezer poster fell twice in the night and once just now, even though I reapplied some new adhesives to it. Maybe it's telling me that I haven't listened to enough Weezer lately, but mostly, it's simply disheartening because I love all the posters in my room and none of them seem to appreciate their place on the walls. You know, decorating my dorm room was the part of college I had been looking forward to the most, and yet it gets underappreciated because there's never any guests in here.
Yesterday I turned in a really horrendous Hum paper. I essentially began and finished the thing before noon, and revised it in the afternoon with a ten-foot pole. It was on The Conversation and some ridiculous crap about collecting and creating sound and how the mouth and ear are perpendicular to each other and crap. It was just one of those papers where it hurts to read your own writing, and normally it turns out better than you thought, but until then it's just easier to get rid of it than give it an honest assessment. So I turned the damn thing in a day early just to get it off my conscience.
I only went to work for an hour yesterday, and spent the rest of the afternoon reading for pleasure and spending two hours at dinner and reading blogs of people I don't know. I have no idea how I came out feeling productive. I had a horrible time falling asleep, maybe out of guilt, but I still managed to wake up at 7:30 again in a sweat. Breaking a sweat has become some gross glandular alarm clock of mine. Anyway, I was going to shadow another guided tour this morning, but the cold weather got its second wind and it hurts to go outside once again.
Sigh... sometimes it just feels so lonely here, and I can't figure out if the feeling is justified or not. I talked to my mom the other day and she remarked on how depressed I seemed over their visit. I'm at once relieved that she noticed and ashamed that I was so obvious, because I'm sure I was trying to make it apparent. I love her for caring, but I feel like I'm always unloading stuff on my mom. I feel like I've been complaining to her or Kristen all quarter, and to a lesser extent, this blog. As tired as I am of loneliness, I am more tired of thinking about it and trying to vocalize it. I just want to think of something else... but everybody's beginning to make plans for housing next year to stay with each other, and I feel left out that there really aren't any prospective roommates for me... I'm not getting that whole "Oh my god, we're all going to live together next year and it's going to be awesome!" experience. It's more like when the schoolteacher tells everyone to form project groups, and you look around rather awkwardly as everyone tries desperately not to make eye contact with you. Sometimes before I go to sleep, or when I'm hunched over the photocopier, I start thinking thoughts like.... "transfer".... such a dark, dirty word, and I know I'd never do it, but sometimes when things are at their worst, the thought itself is secretly appealing. I'm unfailingly optimistic in spring quarter, though, because the weather's only going to get warmer.
I really shouldn't post this, because I'm sure the number of people reading this blog who I know only peripherally has grown, and really, I have nobody to blame for that but me, because the whole point of this blog is to serve my ego and God knows I love an audience. But sometimes I wish it was just a small number of my friends again. But then, if I were a better friend, I would make the effort to correspond directly with phone calls and emails, instead of just tacking up cute updates of my life on what is essentially a public message board. Blah blah blah.
I think I'm going to shower now and go to the bank, because there is nothing in the world more productive than making a trip to the bank. Soon after should be devoted to Bio, and then a few last hours of work before spring break. It's going to be a good break; me and Alpharetta, we were, after all, made for each other.
Some songs for your consideration, especially the first:
Bob Dylan - "Abandoned Love"
The Shins - "Kissing the Lipless"
Roy Orbison - "Only the Lonely"
Radiohead - "Black Star"
Yesterday I turned in a really horrendous Hum paper. I essentially began and finished the thing before noon, and revised it in the afternoon with a ten-foot pole. It was on The Conversation and some ridiculous crap about collecting and creating sound and how the mouth and ear are perpendicular to each other and crap. It was just one of those papers where it hurts to read your own writing, and normally it turns out better than you thought, but until then it's just easier to get rid of it than give it an honest assessment. So I turned the damn thing in a day early just to get it off my conscience.
I only went to work for an hour yesterday, and spent the rest of the afternoon reading for pleasure and spending two hours at dinner and reading blogs of people I don't know. I have no idea how I came out feeling productive. I had a horrible time falling asleep, maybe out of guilt, but I still managed to wake up at 7:30 again in a sweat. Breaking a sweat has become some gross glandular alarm clock of mine. Anyway, I was going to shadow another guided tour this morning, but the cold weather got its second wind and it hurts to go outside once again.
Sigh... sometimes it just feels so lonely here, and I can't figure out if the feeling is justified or not. I talked to my mom the other day and she remarked on how depressed I seemed over their visit. I'm at once relieved that she noticed and ashamed that I was so obvious, because I'm sure I was trying to make it apparent. I love her for caring, but I feel like I'm always unloading stuff on my mom. I feel like I've been complaining to her or Kristen all quarter, and to a lesser extent, this blog. As tired as I am of loneliness, I am more tired of thinking about it and trying to vocalize it. I just want to think of something else... but everybody's beginning to make plans for housing next year to stay with each other, and I feel left out that there really aren't any prospective roommates for me... I'm not getting that whole "Oh my god, we're all going to live together next year and it's going to be awesome!" experience. It's more like when the schoolteacher tells everyone to form project groups, and you look around rather awkwardly as everyone tries desperately not to make eye contact with you. Sometimes before I go to sleep, or when I'm hunched over the photocopier, I start thinking thoughts like.... "transfer".... such a dark, dirty word, and I know I'd never do it, but sometimes when things are at their worst, the thought itself is secretly appealing. I'm unfailingly optimistic in spring quarter, though, because the weather's only going to get warmer.
I really shouldn't post this, because I'm sure the number of people reading this blog who I know only peripherally has grown, and really, I have nobody to blame for that but me, because the whole point of this blog is to serve my ego and God knows I love an audience. But sometimes I wish it was just a small number of my friends again. But then, if I were a better friend, I would make the effort to correspond directly with phone calls and emails, instead of just tacking up cute updates of my life on what is essentially a public message board. Blah blah blah.
I think I'm going to shower now and go to the bank, because there is nothing in the world more productive than making a trip to the bank. Soon after should be devoted to Bio, and then a few last hours of work before spring break. It's going to be a good break; me and Alpharetta, we were, after all, made for each other.
Some songs for your consideration, especially the first:
Bob Dylan - "Abandoned Love"
The Shins - "Kissing the Lipless"
Roy Orbison - "Only the Lonely"
Radiohead - "Black Star"
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