Strangely, I feel more homesick at home than I do at college. And I feel more homesick when I first wake up in the morning than at any other part of the day. So I'm still trying to loose some of these sad emotions that seem to come from waking up in my own room. I've written two civ papers which were somewhat on the romanticizing of the past, and I got the feeling twice that I wasn't writing about the 14th century texts of Lorenzo Valla but about myself. My civ papers end up being all psychoanalysis. Anyway, I was thinking that going off to college is only The Great Schism of our lives if we accept that illusion, because it is only a distinction invented by our minds; I wonder if I could just look at it as a continuation of my "previous life." Sometimes, if I squint really hard, this all looks perfectly normal and not at all like the weirdest thing I've ever seen.

If I'm not careful, this Christmas break is going to end up exactly like last year's, where I spent all my three weeks inside my head mentally rehashing things I could do nothing about. School breaks are conducive to that, because your life tends to remain stationary even while your mind pedals like mad. Like being in first gear on your bicycle.

I've always been a head-case. Maybe I can romanticize my neuroses.

I said goodbye to someone that I love
It’s not just me, I tell you it’s the both of us
And it was hard
Like coming off the pills that you take to stay happy
-Belle & Sebastian "If She Wants Me"