Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Notes from a Small Island:

-The British have absolutely no qualms about showing male nudity on TV. Does this mean they're more culturally mature? I watched Graham Norton one night, which is a late-night show hosted by a gay man on crack. In this episode, Norton and and a sheepish Alan Cumming played a game called 'Is He a Real Scotsman?' whereby guys sporting kilts would walk over a fan to identify whether they were going commando.

-Metro-area London, like Atlanta, also has a traffic problem. New highway-building has just been proposed since the general consensus is that people would rather drive their cars than resort to mass transit.

-A bobble-head bulldog with the voice of Winston Churchill may be more effective at selling you auto insurance than you might believe.

-Visiting The British Museum is like spending two extra hours in Ms. Crockett's AP Euro class with a gift shop at the end. You know what I mean.

-The following concepts are troubling for my dad: a) the proper pronounciation of 'Trafalgar' ('Tralaflagar?' 'Shakespeare?'); b) the prounciation of the 'THAYMES' river; and c) the relative location of 'Spain.'

-I have no clue what black pudding is, but I'm going to ask it to marry me.

-Note to self to download some 'Super Furry Animals,' which appears to be the next big thing here. Otherwise, the UK's taste in techno music is not to be congratulated.

-My British accent is laughable here. However, my Scottish succeeds in fooling a few.

-America's Harry Potter book covers are, in my opinion, far superior to the British covers. Go on UK Amazon and check them out; you'll see what I mean.

-British bookstores all have 'Erotica' sections. Why do we not have those, and if we do, do they hide them between the Large Print and Antique sections?

-There is no getting around the stereotype: the British simply have bad teeth. They all give my braces odd looks, as if they're thinking, 'What's the point?'

-I thought I was finally through with it, but because of the later distribution of movies over here, I have to once again suffer through the marketing campaign for Eddie Murphy's Daddy Day Care. By putting an advert on every bus and street corner from Leamington to London, it seems that the studio execs truly believe this film has a fighting chance over here. Or maybe the English appreciate Murphy more than us; can you picture a bowler-hatted Londoner walking down the street, espying an ad depticing a zany bug-eyed Murphy surrounded by adorable children, and thinking to himself, 'My my, it appears that this jaunty Eddie Murphy chap has gotten himself into another spot of trouble, hasn't he?'

Anyway, I'm in Edinburgh right now, debating whether I should purchase Trainspotting. I'll be home tomorrow to fill you in.

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