In case you haven't noticed, I'm in the middle of some serious mental rearranging. That post I wrote about Zen and Motorcycle Maintenance is really weird and doesn't sound like me. Today I looked back on myself and realized that I am a completely different person from one month ago.
You might not notice it. But there's a lot of renovation going on inside of me. I mentioned all the philosophy books I've been reading, but it started way before that. For some reason, at the beginning of the summer I started thinking really logically. Maybe it started with the break-up with Bekah. But I started doing a lot of wacky thinking. Like I thought about what political affiliation I was for the better part of July, and I spent a lot of time trying to rationalize the various ideals of both parties. I found that both could be totally right and totally wrong, it just depended on your point of view. I think that unlocked a lot of questions about truth and reality for me.
At the same time I also sought to figure out what 'happiness' was.
I figured it out. It's a warm puppy.
Geez, I wish. One side of me says that happiness is caused only by chemical responses in the brain. Like after you go running, that good feeling you get afterwards isn't a sense of accomplishment, it's endorphin secreted by your brain that makes you feel like you're on some mild drugs. Another side of me says that it's bigger than that, like when I listen to Simon and Garfunkel on a rainy day or watch a movie with Kristen. And even if those are chemical responses too, does it really matter even?
OK, I'm starting to get off track. This is the way my mind's been wandering the past month. I go from idea to idea in my brain, and then in circles, until my head hurts. I should start writing things down.
Coincidentally, today in economics I decided to write a poem for Garrett and his literary magazine. After I wrote it, I felt suddenly very refreshed. Finally, something not weighted by reason and metaphysics, just pure imagery. I guess I'd fogotten about writing fiction in the past month, even though I was all psyched about it when I came home from Chicago. Maybe I need to return to that.
Whoa, more later.
You might not notice it. But there's a lot of renovation going on inside of me. I mentioned all the philosophy books I've been reading, but it started way before that. For some reason, at the beginning of the summer I started thinking really logically. Maybe it started with the break-up with Bekah. But I started doing a lot of wacky thinking. Like I thought about what political affiliation I was for the better part of July, and I spent a lot of time trying to rationalize the various ideals of both parties. I found that both could be totally right and totally wrong, it just depended on your point of view. I think that unlocked a lot of questions about truth and reality for me.
At the same time I also sought to figure out what 'happiness' was.
I figured it out. It's a warm puppy.
Geez, I wish. One side of me says that happiness is caused only by chemical responses in the brain. Like after you go running, that good feeling you get afterwards isn't a sense of accomplishment, it's endorphin secreted by your brain that makes you feel like you're on some mild drugs. Another side of me says that it's bigger than that, like when I listen to Simon and Garfunkel on a rainy day or watch a movie with Kristen. And even if those are chemical responses too, does it really matter even?
OK, I'm starting to get off track. This is the way my mind's been wandering the past month. I go from idea to idea in my brain, and then in circles, until my head hurts. I should start writing things down.
Coincidentally, today in economics I decided to write a poem for Garrett and his literary magazine. After I wrote it, I felt suddenly very refreshed. Finally, something not weighted by reason and metaphysics, just pure imagery. I guess I'd fogotten about writing fiction in the past month, even though I was all psyched about it when I came home from Chicago. Maybe I need to return to that.
Whoa, more later.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home