Here's MY POEM

I will not accept Kelly's apology. Do you know why?

Because she's a bald-face liar.

Don't listen to a word this blond bonanza has to say: her tongue is long and fork-ed. This is how it really went.....

As I recall, it was Mr. Thomas's (The Ambiguosly Gay Tee-cher) Intro to Technology class, with all the seats and the steps and the computers and what not. I believe that Kelly sat in front of me. One day, I was innocently relating a funny Kermit the Frog and Harry Belafante scene from The Muppet Show to our friend Sterling, when Kelly whipped around and spoke to me: "I hate the Muppets."

Her eyes-- they were like smoldering coals, my friends. But I refused to be phazed by her agressiveness. I answered, sweetly, "But Kelly, why? Why do you harbor such hate in your heart, such hate for these happy puppets?"

At that point, the Beast seemed to get angrier, and she picked up her desk (the ones that are bolted to the floor) with inhumane strength and flung it. Luckily, her rage affected her aim, which unfortunately knocked Mr. Thomas into the robotic arm (it proceeded to mend his broken bones using a program that Chase had recently built). I tried to subdue her using emergency negotiation tactics we had learned in Mrs. Rice's Home Ec, but Sterling, poor loyal idiot that he was, tried to attack Straubzilla in order to defend me. His body was catapulted into the nearby wall, which instanteously compressed his body like a slinky, which is why he can never grow again, sadly.

At that point, I knew that the casualties wouldn't stop with just Mr. Thomas and Mr. Metz, so I said, "I'm sorry I have to do this, Kelly." and used the secret art of Hen Son to deliver 2 quick blows to the shin and the face, thus subduing the beast.

That's how it really went. And Kelly? You're going down in the Morrie discussion tomorrow. Better wear shinguards.